Sunday, August 2, 2015

Emotional Eating......the struggle is real

Today has been a really hard day. It hasn’t been all bad. I went to church with my daughter this morning, but when I got home I feel like I just mentally fell apart.

Sometimes for no real reason life just gets in the way. I get stuck in my head. I worry over things that I can’t control and then I find myself wanting to eat. Lucky for me right now there’s nothing in the house that can easily be snacked on. I threw most all of it out when I realized I have a tendency to binge eat and needed to gain control. I know that I need to prep the meals for the week, and I have every intention of doing so as soon as I get a hold of my head. Sometimes I feel crazy.

My PCOS and Insulin Resistance are out of control. I’m trying to figure out exactly what needs to be done but without access to a dr at the moment it’s proving to be more difficult that I thought it would be initially. I took my last birth control pill a week ago today and have not spotted or bled at all. I took a test and it was negative, so no baby either. I’m panicking a little bit because they were really high dose birth control pills so when I stopped taking the active ones I definitely should have had a period :-/

Insulin resistance has got to be one of the toughest diseases to manage. I’m not saying other diseases are easy especially if you have an allergy to gluten or any food really, I’m just saying that insulin resistance is tricky. It’s a constant battle of fighting the urge to eat carbs and sugar because your body is producing extra insulin and then when you do eat something high in carbs or sugar instead of just using the excess insulin your body has already produced, it just produces more! What’s up with that!? Guess what happens next?! That extra insulin is stored as fat, and that is why in a month I have put on 15 lbs out of nowhere :(

One thing I have found that helps though is my daily dose of dense nutrition. I drink a shake in the morning that is low on the glycemic index and full of super foods that helps me fight those cravings for extra carbs and sugars through out the day. It’s probably one of the best things food wise that has ever happened to me. Today I had chocolate with some peanut butter added to it and it tasted just like a Reeses PB Cup! Um, yes please! And it’s super filling!

This week I am going to focus on fighting my urge to eat when I’m emotional. I am going to focus on a better and healthier outlet for dealing with my emotions! I’m also going to try to post daily, some points in life I’m better at keeping a diary than others. I feel the only way to fight through this food addiction though is to keep on posting and letting others in on my journey. My triumphs and my setbacks.

If anyone else out there is struggling with food addiction, or weightloss, comment or find my on instagram (link over on the right side) and lets connect. You’re not alone, even though sometimes it may feel like you are.


Sunday, July 5, 2015

My days fly by....

Wow days seem to just be flying by....way to quick! I need time to slow down for sure. My little bug is getting to big, pulled out her baby clothes today and it's crazy to me that she was ever so small.....5.14 lbs small. Now she's a 50 lb almost 8 year old! Say what!!?

I've been doing pretty good on the nutrition program I've been on. It's kind of lonely not having anyone else to do it with me, but I'm determined to beat this unhealthy lifestyle I've been living. I want to be healthy, and able to chase Bug around and practice soccer with her, and when the time is right to be able to add to our family.

I'm snacking on a salad as I type this....I love salad. Who else loves salad? What's your favorite kind?

I'm really hoping that by the end of round one of the 21 day fix, I will be able to cut back on my metformin which I use to help control my blood sugar/insulin levels. It may not happen, and if it doesn't that's ok because I know that I'm becoming healthier and will be able to get off of it entirely someday in the future!

So things I've noticed the past couple of days (since I forgot to blog)

I was a bit moody from lack of my favorite comfort foods. The cravings for them weren't horrible, I have Shakeology to thank for that, but more moody because I didn't want to cook and much rather would have ran to the drive thru. I didn't though, I stayed strong : )

I'm not experiencing as much bloat, I feel like my clothes fit better. I'm not thinking it's weightloss but rather just not having as much gas from junk.

I'm doing better on my water intake, I'm not up to half my weight in ounces yet but I am up to 60 oz a day and I feel like all I do is pee!! I hear that subsides though. *fingers crossed*

My FOCUS for this week is:

Meal prep!!! You have to plan and prep to be successful!

Add another 10-20 ounces to my water intake, so prepare for lots of #stopdropandchug tags and shoutouts on my instagram account. Come follow me, lets hold each other accountable! Click the Instagram button on the side of my blog :)

Add in walking a couple days a week, in addition to my workouts!

Who out there is taking a peek at my blog? Leave a comment and say hello! I promise I don't bite :)

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Giving it my all

I woke up with a new determination to crush my goals and help others crush theirs as well! Over the past 6 months or so I have had a lot of ups and downs, both in my health and my self esteem. I had fallen into a pretty bad depression because of my PCOS and Insulin Resistance. A lot of areas of my life were affected. It's been a bit of a roller coaster ride, but in the past 2 months I have found a new sense of self confidence and who I am as a person and I've made some great friends along the way. I want to be able to help others find themselves again and to help them reach their goals and realize their potential. If I can do it, I know that anyone can do it along side me! 

I will go further into my depression and PCOS at another date but just know that you're not alone if you're struggling with those things. So many women out there are just like us! Don't be afraid to reach out to me, I love to help where I can :) 

So for the next 3 weeks, I am committing to live a healthier lifestyle. Healthier food choices and a 30 minute workout. I will be doing this PROGRAM and would love to have some company if anyone else wants to join me in this journey!! I will be there with you every step of the way!

I am going to also document my journey here in my blog. How I'm feeling, my successes and slip ups. My cravings, my moods (which with PCOS can be all over the place, I'm hoping to stabilize them a bit), my goals, my dreams. I want to be an open book during this process. Changing myself from the inside out.

So for today: I had this SHAKE for breakfast and loved it. I've always been a fan of it, and when I drink it consistently I see major changes in how I feel. My blood sugar/insulin levels don't feel so all over the place. I'm about to have a tuna salad for lunch. 

I'm feeling nervous but excited at the same time for this journey I'm committing myself to. I know that great things are going to come from it.

And to hold myself accountable even are my day one photos.

I am so nervous to put these on here because yes, I have stretch marks. I am a mother, and I also gained a lot of weight so I don't have a perfect stomach. That's part of the journey though, accepting our flaws and learning to love ourselves! So here are my starting photos :) I can't wait to show everyone what I will look like in 21 days! 

Monday, February 9, 2015

My Diagnosis (part 1)

Hey ya'll!

Today's post, brought to you by way of this night owl, I LOVE owls (random fact about myself) is about my diagnosis with PCOS and then tomorrow with IR. It'd be the longest blog post ever if I tried to fit it all in one.....what can I say? I like to give the details. I'm a detail oriented person (another random fact for you!)

When I was a senior in high school back in 2001 (yikes, has it really been 14 years!?) I began to gain weight very quickly and very out of the blue....and I mean 50+ lbs in one school year quickly! That's not even 12 months. At the time I mostly contributed it to what I would now call my "teenage rebelion" days. I was skipping school, going out to eat with friends. Sleeping all day while my mom was at work. You know, normal teenage stuff. The kicker was that I always, and I mean ALWAYS had to have some kind of hard candy with me. I remember thinking this is not right. I NEEDED that sugar. I can still see the little tupperware containers I used to carry around my candy in my mind. Clear with a turquoise lid. Random I know :)

I would get so shaky and need something to bump up my blood sugar quick. After a while I knew that something wasn't right. I shouldn't NEED sugar the way I was. I was terrified I had diabetes or something was wrong. My mom took me to see the doctor. The same one I had been seeing my whole life. He was concerned about what may be going on with me and decided to do a blood glucose test. He ran the test and everything checked out. At this time I was not having regular periods according to the text book. I was having them every other month like clock work, but what was normal for me is not considered "normal" in the medical world. He didn't think much of it though. I wasn't sexually active so birth control wasn't discussed. Life went on as normal. Me with my need for sugar. Me with my irregular periods.

At the end of my senior year I got married to my high school boyfriend, my first love. I went on the pill, continued to gain weight at an alarming rate and still craved anything sugary. We were young, things ended and I went off the pill. My periods never returned.

I didn't have medical insurance at the time so I went to a clinic and had my annual exam and we were discussing my periods. I told her how I hadn't had one in 6+ months since I went off birth control. The next words out of her mouth I will never forget. Here I am 19 years old and this nurse/dr from a clinic tells me "you're probably not going to be able to have kids".  My heart sunk because I wanted more than anything to one day be able to have a family, at least one baby. She tells me this news without running any tests and with no reasonable explanation as to how she came to that conclusion, just based on the fact that I haven't had a period in months. She put me back on birth control to regulate my cycle and that was the last time I saw her.

Fast forward a few years to 2005. I got remarried and moved to Washington State. Bellingham. Has anyone been there? LOVE the PNW! Such a beautiful place.

We had been married almost 2 years when I got my official diagnosis. During the time that we lived in Washington we never used any form of birth control. I never got pregnant so I just assumed, well that nurse must have known what she was talking about. I just figured it wasn't in the cards for me, had no idea what could be wrong with me. In 2006 PCOS was still a fairly new syndrome and not a lot of doctors had any idea about it or what it entailed.

The time came for me to go get an annual and since I was new to the area my mother in law suggested I go see her doctor since I didn't even know where to begin looking for a doctor.

So I went to that dreaded appointment. You ladies know what I'm talking about!

I'm sitting there in my paper gown waiting for the doctor to come in. Thinking it would be just like every other yearly visit I had in the past. How wrong I was!

She came in and we were chatting, I was telling her how I hadn't had a period in almost 2 years and about that doctor that told me I wouldn't be able to conceive but didn't have any answers as to why. She said, "I think I know what's wrong, but lets do the exam first" so that's what came next....the pesky exam. I'll skip those details since we all know how those go, but the short version: legs up, invaded privacy, a little discomfort, coldness and a tiny bit loss of dignity.

After my exam I sat up and she said another set of words I will never forget. She said "I think you have PCOS" My mind went a million different directions. But at the top of those thoughts was WTF is PCOS!?!?

And that folks, is how I received my PCOS diagnosis! Tomorrow I will talk about how she came to that diagnosis and everything that followed next to lead to my IR diagnosis.

One last thing before I go to bed, it's 1 a.m. here, I just want to let all of you that are struggling with PCOS know that I am here. I'm here for you. For support. For ideas to help you. To let you know what has worked for me. To listen when you just need to vent but don't have anyone that understands. I'm here to be your friend and virtual shoulder to cry on when you feel like you just want to give up trying to beat this syndrome and the insulin resistance that seems to go hand in hand with PCOS in a lot of women. I will hold you up and do my best to help you along your journey. We are all in this together!

~Jessee Kay

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Hi, my name is Jessica and I have PCOS

Hey everyone my name is Jessica, but you guys can call me Jessee :) 

I go by Jess_ee_kay_losesitxoxo on Instagram, look me up and say hello! :)

I am a single mother of a 7 year old spitfire. She's my world and the reason I do what I do day in and day out.

Baring it all has never come easily for me but I want everyone to know my story. I want everyone struggling with PCOS and IR to know that there is a way out of the weight gain and feelings of hopelessness. I've been both on the unhealthy side and the healthy side of the PCOS and IR line since I was diagnosed 9 years ago. I know that it is harder to lose weight and maintain weight, and I've used my PCOS and IR as an excuse for years. No more excuses though! It is not impossible and I am here to help you every step of the way!!

Here's my story:

In 2006 I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) and IR (insulin resistance). I gained weight very quickly and found myself spiraling downward to what I thought would be a life of obesity. They put me on Metfomrin and I ended up getting pregnant and having my daughter in 2007. After I had my daughter the weight just continued to accumulate. I would yo-yo diet, lose a few pounds, and then gain it all right back plus some. It was a very unhealthy time in my life.

In 2009 I got divorced. I ate my feelings. So much so that I see photos of myself over the years and barely recognize the girl in the photos! I reached my heaviest in 2011. I was 230ish pounds and 5'3" tall. I was not healthy, I was not active and something needed to change. Unfortunately it would be almost another year before I decided to do something about my weight.

In 2012 I decided to take control. I started working out at home and I LOVED it. I fell in love with a better life style. I was the healthiest I have ever been and lost 60+ pounds in the process!

In the fall of 2013 I went through some big changes in my life and ended up moving back across the country and back in with my mom. Here I was almost 30 years old and having to move me and my daughter back in with my mom. I started feeling sorry for myself and eating my feelings and gained back almost everything that I had lost the previous 12 months.

So here I am January of 2015, starting over and that's ok. We are all human, we will stumble, trip and fall. We just have to get back up and keep going. Am I happy that I let myself gain the weight back? No. Am I going to let gaining it back stop me from losing it again? No. I am going to move forward, and not look back!

I decided it was time once and for all to stop using my PCOS and IR as an excuse for being overweight and unhealthy. I know that I can help to reverse my IR and control my PCOS through a healthy life style and diet and I am here to help others struggling do the same! I am not in the middle or maintenance stage of my journey, but at the beginning and I am here to work your journey with you every step of the way! Notice I said work your journey. Because it will be work, but it will be worth all of the hard work when you get your freedom back, your confidence back and your health back! Together we can take control of our bodies and minds and become healthier and happier!